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When reviewing a restaurant there are many pieces of information to take in to consideration. You want your readers to know first and foremost the basics about the establishment such as hours of operation, address, and phone number. You may want to add some spice such as the eatery’s history and a little about the neighborhood it calls home. Sounds like a good start, right?
Moving deeper into the review we should find a “first impression” of the “atmosphere” then on to initial contact with the service staff and blah blah blah.
Ok, if you are reading this right now, chances are you have had your eyes glued to at least one restaurant review in your lifetime. You probably understand what “need to know” information is (in this context, this isn’t a military operation), and what the reviewer thinks you need to know (in the DSM, I call this “Reviewer Mallow Fluff Pad”)
Here is some recent RMFP found weakly disguised as review.
B Sanchez Gets an RMFP “Like, OMG” Airhead award for the Feb 12th review of Indian Grill in DSM’s Downtown Skywalk.
(The Skywalk is the Great Hamster Maze for humans to seek food and warmth in Downtown DSM. I will write more on the subject another time).
The review is what I assume to be the first in a series of “Lunch Skywalker” peices. (Nice name, does it come in your size?) I gather that this is supposed to inform SkyMaze inhabitants of what they have in store, both for lunch and for Metromix/Juice sponsored “humor.”
Now, the necessary basic info is given, then on to the review. This is where everything takes a nose dive. B.S. mentions the posters on the walls. She makes comments that she is not going to order the chicken or whatever is advertised. Does she tell you that the spot was once occupied by Champps Chicken, or that the owners of Indian Grill decided to not only serve top-notch indian food but to also KEEP THE OLD CHAMPPS CHICKEN MENU ALIVE? Nope, just comment on the posters and move on. Nothing to see here. Does she ask the person who came to her table if she was the owner or not? Nope, just throws out a sideways assumtion and moves on. Speed Of Service. At the Buffet. Why Waste Words? It is a buffet, of course it is a logical choice for those in a time crunch.
There are many more shortcomings, but I have already written more words about the review than were actually contained within its…uh…paragraph. Maybe the Lunch Skywalker crew should just assemble a list of Skywalk Restaurants grouped by maze regions and skip the soul-stealing review attempts. Or maybe just learen to ask questions ( I am probably correct in assuming you were taught some sort of question-asking thingy in journalism school) Or maybe a “readers’ choice” poll is the way to go. The Register’s Grate Top Fifty SkyMaze Lunch Restaurant Poll Giveaway Sweepstakes.
I may just have to do my own series and call it the “SkyMazeGraze”
For this, B.S., you get a RMFP Award. Enjoy it. Shoot for the stars and you may reach Super-pap-dom.
On to our favorite, the Datebook Diner. Reviewed a Steak Caesar Salad. Nuff Said. Or “Fluff Sad”
Restaurant reviewers, quit conning the readers. Readers, find out for yourself by going out and TRYING these places.
Hugs and kisses.
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