Locally Grown

It Was All A Dream, I Used To Read Gourmet Magazine
2010/08/07, 1:18 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , ,

Ok, Ok, Ok, I get it now. The answers to the food world’s greatest questions were today found at the bottom of my afternoon Ramen Bowl (a family tradition since this afternoon). The great and mighty circus that is Des Moines’ culinary future was laid out before your humble narrator by a sagely man of insider real estate knowledge some hours past, only to resurface mysteriously from the aforementioned bowl of fried/boiled noodles. When all that lay beneath my chopsticks and spoon was a small pool of broth and some stray, forgotten pasta fragments, I saw that vision…locations, menus, big name players, timing, financiers…it was like some wild array of culinary business oriented sugar plums “juking” in my head (this could have been influenced by the last few days’ B-day festivities). I know now what I must do. I know now what the future holds for me, as long as I will it to happen. My future is still here with you, my faithful tens of readers, because where would I be without our conversations? Who would bring you the unfettered gripes, groans, and sometimes happy moments of the kitchens of the places in which you dine? Certainly not your beloved Register, Juice, Cityview, or Relish…what writers REALLY know about working in a kitchen? Maybe they waited tables in college? I will still be here , but I have a plan. Only, I can’t tell you what it is…because then I would have to make you a partner. Stay tuned… I have also gotten quite a few comments both here and in the non-internerd world regarding why I don’t subscribe to “cooking competitions” or answer the challenge when um…challenged. Here is the reason I don’t “man up” and “throw down”: I simply don’t give a fuck. There. I said it. When, as in a recent event, someone just out of the fucking blue says “put your money where your mouth is” and throw down, I just don’t care. I don’t have the fucking time or money to throw at a “competition” style outing and I don’t really fucking care if a room full of people think that maybe my presentation was better/worse or that my sear could have used a little higher heat in the pan. Most “laymen” food judges wouldn’t know the intricacies of what we do if they were bludgeoned silly with Escoffier’s teachings. I have confidence in what I do and have worked very fucking hard to get what I have, whether it be knowledge, skill, or the acknowledgement/respect from others in my field. I am no where near being a “Great Chef” but I can (and do professionally) cook and have been recognized as that…a good cook (hence the signature at the end of every LG post). Oh, and I’m sensitive. What would happen if I lost? Would DSM see its crankiest blogger shed tears over losing an event he “doesn’t give a fuck” about? Maybe, just maybe. I also recall what happened when tempers flared at a recent Cooking Competition. It looked a little something like this:

A Little Friendly Competition Ends In Mug Shots. Cool.

Well, let’s move on to something a little less about me, shall we? I guess today that means you will have to read something elsewhere! Tee Hee. Profanely Yours, The Cook P.S. Thank you for all of the birthday wishes, this year was a great one and I look forward to marching further towards “retirement” age with all of you in tow. I love you guys and gals out there.

Give yourselves a hand, you are awesome. Except you, and you know who you are!


9 Comments so far
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The Vietnamese Ramen you made me was the sheeit!

Comment by Eastside Steve

So was the Pepsi!

Comment by locallygrown

Call me old fashioned, but when you pay your bills doing what you’re talking about, do it well, and yet more people want to pay you to do so… then your mouth and money are pretty much in line.

Comment by Mike H.

I feel ya Sam. Some people really get off on competing, some do not. I most certainly do not. I do what I do because I love it. It also happens to bring joy to many people, but I do not strive for a pat on the back, or a stroke to my barely there ego. I like that. Screw everyone else, that’s what I say. Power to the people with pure intentions!

Comment by Brandy

You’re not going to battle Hensley??? Oh that’s just great Sam, just great!!!
Now what in the hell am I supposed to do with 500 T-shirts that say “Vegetation Devestation 2010” on the front and “The Cook vs The Schemp” on the back?

Comment by Damaged Rooster


Seriously, though….Sam you sound like you need a hug, man. That or more fiber in your diet. Seems like you’ve been a lot grumpy lately. Get back to what you like and forget all the folks that are getting you down.

Comment by InthewaterDSM

I think I need a little less fiber, actually as I had been living off of Tree Bark and swamp water. Plenty of fiber in both of those. Feeling a little better now, and will hopefully reflect that in my attitude towards…um…stuff. Thank you for your concern.

Comment by locallygrown

wow, that hensley guy has quite the track record, I wouldn’t want to battle him either

Comment by helmet

What track record? Put on your thinking helmet, helmet.

Comment by locallygrown

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