YOU’VE JUST BEEN…MANAGED!

YOU’VE JUST BEEN…MANAGED!

2010/09/28, 2:35 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: a-holes, bobber's, clash of the titans, cyclocross, drinking, hockey puck, hugs, liza minelli

[here’s something you’re used to by now, which is an apology.  This post should have “dropped” last Tuesday, right around the same time as the new Liza Minelli Album, and I wouldn’t want to compete with that.]

Did you hear that? There's a new Liza Album...C'mon, screw this blog, let's hit the record store!

I recently completed my first cyclocross race in beautiful, dreary, rainy North Liberty, Iowa.  The race was a great experience for all participants, even the guy who borrowed a bike then proceeded to “Taco” said borrowed bike’s front wheel. (For those of you not familiar with the term “Taco” as it relates to bike wheel terminology, it is the end result of smashing a wheel into an object, making it into a “Taco” shape.  The rim of the wheel is considered un-salvageable) Enough about that, you can read about the actual race at that “cyclocross race” link back in the first sentence of this paragraph.

The race was held around a Bar&Grill/Marina aptly named Bobber’s Bar and Grill.  They were more than happy to dish us out shots of red-bull spiked booze and the occasional beer.  They probably weren’t aware of the cycling scene’s policy of “let’s see who can by more people drinks,” which is another sort of race which I try to stay on the receiving end, or “back of the pack,” just like in my races.  They didn’t even complain that a few of us were walking around with our own beer (it was allowed in the by-laws that people in RV’s could carry their own beer, and I happened to actually travel to N.L.I.A. in an RV). There was no problem until I tried to eat the dinner that I had ordered.  THAT is where the problems began.

Now, I like to tell people how to be good customers, but those rules are optimized for situations when dealing with a rational server/manager/person.  This was not one of those “control subjects” nor did I have my wits about me (refer back to the drink-buying game).

I ordered a “BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger” from the “Grill” portion of the Menu…Big Burger, Bacon, BBQ Sauce, some other stuff, and Waffle Fries.  After about 35 minutes my burger finally showed up, well after the rest of the entres ordered by my 12 dining partners.  It’s ok, they had Tall Boys, which make a good appetizers when in our particular situation.  The burger looked suspect, but I was hungry and started eating.  about a third the way through I noticed an interesting flavor.  It tasted as I had been chewing on the remains of a day-old bonfire.  When I finally flagged the server down, she explained that she recognized that particular burger, and that the cooks had used the “weight” on it.  I was tempted to ask exactly what the f that meant, but I already know, and I don’t like being the guy that asks questions that he already knows the answers to.  It means the cooks are amateur cooks, but professional assholes and had purposely burnt the living shit out of my burger with a “Steak Weight” on a super hot grill.  I explain that it is inedible, and that I will not be finishing it.  I asked for the burger to be removed from my check.  I was informed that the “Manager” would still require my half payment for the half eaten atrocity.

This was the manager’s “deal”

1. I had eaten about half of the burger in question.
2. I will be required to pay for the half that I ate.
3. Sorry, that’s just how it is.

I tried to explain to her that it was the nastiest piece of burnt hockey-puck I had ever attempted to eat, that is was making me mildly ill, and that I would absolutely NOT pay for half of something that my server acknowledged as inedible before it left the kitchen.  The manager then said “well, I will get you another burger.”  My buddies all scoffed at the idea right along with me.   As my friend Carl put it so succinctly to our manager friend, “who eats a burger and a half?”  I finally had to break out the “I’m a pro chef, and I would never require someone to pay for something this bad, let alone knowingly let it leave my kitchen” line.  Still no give from the Manager.  She seemed hell-bent on ruining the experience for the other dozen at the table with her total bullshit attitude.  Finally I gave her the ultimatum.  I would pay for two drinks, and no burger, and that was my final offer, flashing her the pursed-lip half-smile sideways glance of dismay.  She finally conceded, and I handed my server a ten for my two drinks.  I tipped her exactly what my half of the burnt burger would have cost, and retreated to the RV for some more refreshments, a game of dominos, and a safe ride home from our designated driver.

So what can we gather from the actions of the Management and Service Staff of Bobber’s Bar and Grill?

1. Always waste your customers’ time and argue for at least 15 minutes about $4 worth of food that you know is inedible.
2. No matter what, don’t back down from the customer, as they are mindless a-holes who are ONLY there to give you money.
3. Even if the customer already spent over $40 in your bar, you need to waste their time on $4 more
4. If you have a table of unsatisfied diners, because their food also sucked (everyone at the table who had a burger had similar issues, but not quite as bad as mine), you should offer them more food that sucks.
5. Talk to customers as if they are your children, and assume they know nothing of food service.
6. Storm away from the table, stomping your feet as you go to discount their shitty food.

Sounds about right, doesn’t it?  These people need to get it together.  There is another ‘Cross race at Bobber’s on October 16th, and I know that MY group will be bringing our own food.  I will NOT give that place another penny of my money, and if you happen to be around their “parts,” would encourage you to think twice before handing them yours.

Thank you to the Bobber’s staff for trying to ruin an awesome day.

The Cook.

I am not happy about doing this next blurb, but since there was a cry for public disclosure of this mysterious spot, here it is:

P.S. The Restaurant that has pissed me off is Baru 66.  I have dined there, the food is amazing, but we were treated like we walked up to a Denny’s host stand upon entering (we walked in, stood at the door for about 5 minutes, the woman who was seating us came over, answered the phone, but didn’t acknowledge us until the phone call was complete, then we waited even longer for a table even though they only had two tables sat at the time. Very bush league.). They have also mistreat their staff, and require the servers to pay the credit card fees incurred by the customers.  If you go there, bring cash, or tip an extra 5% to your server’s cost to run your credit card.  Pretty poor business practice, especially at a “fine dining” establishment.  I would have never put this out on LG, but you all who called me out and drug me down to the “Yelp” level can now rest assured that I have “helped” some people.  Anyone from Baru who would like to argue this, don’t bother.  I know the facts of the matter, and am disappointed in you.  You should be, too.

P.P.S. Rainbows, Unicorns, Cotton Candy.

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