Filed under: Local Food Commentary | Tags: a-holes, Food Critics, La Mie, ten easy steps, Wini-Gate
Well, Tens, I can honestly say that Wini-Gate has come to an anti-climactic end. I am calling it, time of death 9:36 December 9, 20 ought 10. I can only hope that everyone involved, and those who have injected themselves into the situation, have learned two valuable lessons: 1) Watch what you blog about if you are high-ish profile or employed by actual publishers and 2) Restaurant owners are mad as hell and are [possibly] not going to take it any more.
- Food Criticism isn’t the Truth! Food Criticism is a goddamn Amusement Park!
We have also learned that being an a-hole customer is just that, being an a-hole customer. You show up at closing time, you may be poking the snake. If you think that you are cutting it close or have a question about closing time, use that “stupid phone” in your hand, swipe your greezy finger across its beautiful super amoled screen and “Lougle” search for a phone number. Touch the number that magically appears and, if your phone is as stupify-ing as mine, it will automatically dial the restaurant. Ask the human on the other end of airspace, assuming that humans aren’t obsolete by the time you decide to actually dial a phone number to contact said eatery, what time they close and if you are close to arriving and they are almost closed, ask if they mind serving you at such a late hour (not that 8pm is late for anyone under 70 years old). If they opt to continue closing, they may have a suggestion (other than growing up and having some kids) as to where else you could experience the feeling of food in your mouth at such an hour.
Here is a quick guide:
Locally Grown’s Steps To Avoid Closing Time Scorn
- It seems close to closing time for the restaurant you chose to visit.
- Look up the Inderdork site or phone number for the restaurant.
- Call. Do Not Email. Email will more than likely be not returned in time.
- BONUS TECHIE STEP: If you and the restaurant are both on Twitter or a similar Social Media outlet, send them a message, you will get a pretty immediate answer (although not as effective as calling the restuarant for this purpose). Some eateries have gone past the point of just having a Twitter account and are actually using it to COMMUNICATE WITH THEIR GUESTS. This is also a good option for those of you who thought emailing was a good idea in step 3, probably due to a societal based fear of actual human interaction.
- Ask what time they close.
- If they are within 15-20 minutes of closing ask if they would be willing to acomodate you and your party. The smaller your party, the better the chances of success. Unless you are Wini and you are trying to eat at La Mie.
- If they are unable to fit you in to their closing time frame (although they really should as a general good neighbor rule), ask for a suggestion of a different location.
- Thank them for either staying open to serve you, or for their help in finding an alternate dining establishment.
- Do not give ultimatums or act like an a-hole.
It is really that simple to avoid feeling the chapped hide of a Pony Express rider when dining late in the DMZ. Or anywhere.
Wini-Gate is over. If you want updates, subscribe to her comments section. Her readers have gone beyond the call of whatever.
Speaking of dining, I have to get going to beat the noon rush for a downtown lunch…
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