Hello, tens. It has been a long-ish six months in all of our lives, mine consisting of being too busy to really get any writing of this sort accomplished due to being busy with business, and yours consisting of wondering when you will get some snarky remarks regarding dining out and maybe a funny cat picture or two from yours truly. Don’t hold your breath, tens, we aren’t out of the proverbial woods yet. (Although if you do decide to hold your breath, you are lucky that Mom Nature built in that failsafe that causes you to pass out and continue breathing instead of exiting this mortal coil. Just make sure you are sitting down so as not to fall and bump your little head)
Now, on to our very short subject today: Questions.
During the last six months I, along with my staff, have heard some questions which have pushed the limits of the old adage that “there are no stupid questions.” I am here to break it to you now, THERE ARE SOME VERY STUPID QUESTIONS. I understand that there is a small portion of the population that knows absolutely nothing about the things you encounter in adult life, especially the phenomonon known as solid food. By small portion I am talking about infants. Regular sized (or even over- or under-sized) adult humans have all had enough life experience when dealing with solid food and the people whom serve said solids that there should be some expectation as to the direction of questioning directed towards said solid food servers. Here are a few of my favorites as of late:
- “So, how does this work?” This is really the number one bone head question. You walk up to a business which has food for sale. Better yet, you are waiting in line for food and get to your goal, the person taking your order. You then utter the phrase “so, how does this work?” This is enough to Simon Cowel-ize anyone forced to confront such a situation. Here is how it works: Order Food. Get Food. Eat Food. Repeat When Hungry.
- “What is that?” (while pointing to an item with a 12″x8″ label written in chalk beneath it) COME ON PEOPLE! No matter what time of day, you should always approach this situation like you would approach an intersection: Look Before Crossing. This is a pretty harmless situation, and made especially entertaining when the person has a dining partner who does the work of making fun of the question asker for the service staff. Everyone can laugh, and the food staff doesn’t have to say a thing…until later when they talk a bunch of smack.
- “Is that tofu?” (while pointing at shredded pork) Seriously?
What should you do if you find yourself about to ask a really bone headed question? Here is a simple guide:
Learn It. Know It. Live It.
Until next time, mind your manners and your something that rhymes with manners.