Locally Grown

It’s Not Nearly Over…The Foodmare Continues

Okay, a few of you yesterday spoke your minds regarding my thin threat that I will no longer be posting “things” here at Locally Grown.  I was half full/half empty of crap in stating that due to a change in subject matter that I may not continue to publish this blog. After minutes of deliberation it has been decided that I will continue on with LG, but with a focus on the original intended subject matter: Local food, farmers, markets, chefs, and a little news from around the world.  The rants will also continue, and I know that you tens are most happy to hear that your angry “bi-polar” cook will still be educating the A-Holes of the world how to tame their inflamed dining sphincters.  So, with that said, we will be seeing each other soon with a little report about one of the most important entities within our DMZ, the Downtown Farmers Market and some news about a certain cook’s campaign to be on the show Chopped.

I will leave you with this, a video of the band Tacocat playing their song “Bike Party” which combines four of my favorite things: Cats, Tacos, Bikes, and Palindromes.

Come one, Tens, I couldn’t just leave you all.  It’s been too much fun over the last few years.  Smooch!

The Cook.


Writing About The DD Is OVER.

Well, Tens, it’s been almost a week now.  A whole week without the non-rythmic word stylings of the Artist Formerly Known As The Datebook Diner.  A whole week which we learned that she will still indeed be writing for the Register, albeit on a monthly basis, and that she will continue to milk her Register-hosted blog for all its cook book marketing worth.  I also learned that she will be acting as a server at the newly-taken-over Proof restaurant in the Western Gateway.  Incredible, I can’t wait to have her wait on my table.  I am sure the service will be French-tastic.


Tens, I am here to call the whole thing off.  We have had a good run with Winni as our main subject here, and I am thankful for my friends who slip little notes into my email in-hole early in the morning to tip me off to her…things she does.  I know that the fun contained within the digital confines of this blogular entity has been lost on her for about two years, she doesn’t return my tweets or comments ever, and I am sure that if we were to actually run into each other in public she would either ignore me or give me that “whatevs” look.

Sure, in a movie about the Datebook Diner I would cast Kristin Stewart, And The Cook would be a hybrid shiny vampiristic wherebear who was her sidekick, kinda like a really fucked up Chewbaca. They would argue constantly because The Cookbaca would always substitute olive oil for butter, which isn't very French.

And that is fine, I have earned that look (even if it actually comes from Kristin Stewart) but I would rather meet up with Winni and have this kind of situation transpire:

This is a better, more peaceful, scenario in which I would like to encounter the Artist Formerly Know As The Datebook Diner.

With all of that sort of said, I think that ragging on the AFKATDD is OVER.  Winni, if you are out there, I leave you to market your super amazing cook book and spread the French in peace.  It’s been a great time witnessing and reacting to all of the…stuff…over the years but it is time for this Cook to move on.  Enjoy your not really new life doing pretty much what you were doing before, with the addition of pretending you are a restaurant worker (I did think your old waitress picture was damn adorable), and you can continue ignoring what I write because it…well…I will probably just retire this blog.   So, farewell, see you down the road.

The Cook

Biggie Smalls: Worlds Best Food Rapper?
2012/03/09, 8:22 am
Filed under: Personal | Tags: , , , , , ,

Hello, Tens.  Today marks the anniversary of the death of one of my favorite “fat kid” artists (musicians/rappers who like to tuck food references into their songs) I didn’t think much of his music at first listen, it was just another dude rapping on the radio, complete with radio ready hits with samples of old songs that I already enjoyed.  I didn’t feel that this cat was doing anything for me with his lyrics about being tougher than you, smoother than you, getting more money than you, more ladies than you.  It felt freshly played out, then I heard this line:

Now honeys play me close like butter played toast.

That line woke me up to the world of Biggie and his lyrical buffet.  I started listening closer, finding more and more food references.  He wasn’t just singing about a particular dish for the sake of naming it, he was bookmarking his place in life by what he was able to afford to eat and rapping about the things that gave him joy during his rough childhood.  It was inspiring.

I wanted to write an entire article on his food lyrics, but someone beet…um..beat me to it by a few days.   Francis Lam is a writer over at Salon and he has written a piece on the subject that I think you should all take time to read.  He echoes my sentiments about the late rap artist.  Here is the link, go read the article.

Now go out and have a great weekend!  It should be a nice time to go enjoy some local dining at some of your favorite spots.  We will try to get back to you again on Monday…REPRESENT BABY BAAABY.

The Cook


Why Tigers Love Pepper, Especially On Val-Day

Happy Day To Spend Money On Someone Who You Hang Out With!  We of the Restaurant Industry love this day sooooo much.  So much.  We appreciate your business.  We appreciate your easy going attitudes and low expectations on this day.  The greatest part of the end of the Holiday Season in restaurants is the Last Holiday, Valentine’s Day.

Let's hope you didn't get this card from anyone this year.

We here at Locally Grown hope that you and your loved ones enjoy wherever it is that you choose to eat your prix-fixe choice of Steak, Chicken, Shrimp, or Pork.  May your evening end with some sort of chocolate dessert incorporating something heart shaped.

See you tomorrow for some actual posting, if we all make it through this, the most *cough* romantic of holidays.

The cook

Happy Anniversary #2, LG: Under(pants) It All
2012/02/02, 9:25 am
Filed under: Personal

Sometimes it is difficult being a horder of behind the scenes information.  In the beginning it was almost impossible to keep certain facts from you Tens of readers, as tens of you witnessed during the 2010 “Let’s Threaten Locally Grown With Lawsuits” season.  Funny thing about that, at least one person involved in that situation has proven their true colors are not far from our speculation.  Other times the lid was blown off of situations which caused a certain food writer type to completely ignore me in 2011, even though I was operating a new food business in town.  (Yes, I know she considers the Farmers Market so below her even though markets are a very French concept) Said person DID respond to a tweet of mine this year…but that didn’t last long. Whatevs. 

I can’t wait for her to not review my food again this year.  In fact, it doesn’t really matter.  Everyone else is content with Tacopocalypse, one more opinion won’t really matter…although I would love her feedback on the light fixtures.

Some other situations arose during the last two years, and I commented on them.  The tens of you LG loyalists were privy to more information than most, as usual. 

Wait, where am I going with this?  I still have tons of juicy insider info but, like our Congress, insider trading has been recently frowned upon.  I will sort through this and figure out a way to share certain bits…selected bites…over time. 


And for those of you whom have been here from the start (and I know who you are), thank you for sticking around.  Here’s to more educating of the masses and pissing off of the ‘food establishment’ in 2012.

The cook

Official Holiday Wish Item From Locally Grown
2011/12/25, 6:19 am
Filed under: Personal

Dear Tens,

We here at Locally Grown wish you all a safe and happy holiday season  or maybe just a really lucky season of being very, very irresponsible but getting away with it, subsequently learning from the fact that you are really fortunate to have emerged from your irresponsibility trip relatively unscathed to never to act in such a wild manner during the holidays again.  Whatever path you choose, safety or destruction, know that the LG crew are thinking about you and miss you like crazy.  Especially Hank.  He has been a real emotional wreck during this year of relative silence.

Hank is suffering from Blogular Separation Anxiety.

Bathory has remained seemingly unaffected as he is a cat and cats are very skilled in the art of “playing it cool.”  That is most likely why the phrase “cool cat” was coined.  Regardless, he isn’t really phased by the holiday season or the fact that he has not been referred to on the internert nearly as many times this year as in 2010.  This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care or share in our originally stated group sentiment about your holiday safety, because he has assured the rest of us that the first paragraph up there gets his paw of approval.

What does the new year hold for your formerly favorite food blog?  No one knows and really it doesn’t matter, because today is all about you, our tens of fans.  We love you, and if this blog ever comes back around from the coma induced in this year of our gourd 2011, then it will happen when it happens.  Until then, Keep repping local.  It’s what you were born to do.

The Cook.



Anyone Remember This Blog?
2011/09/07, 3:04 pm
Filed under: Personal

Cripes!  Well, Ten (notice that the “s” has been dropped to faithfully reproduce the actual amount of people who might read this post), It seems that I have completely forgotten this blog and where we left off back in the day when things were cool around this joinz.  I suppose there have been a bunch of events like the insanely anticipated opening of Zombie Burger (from where I am currently writing this post),  Restaurant Week (I have heard that this year it was “all good”, and a bunch of other stuff that I probably wasn’t paying attention to anyway due to my overwhelming Taco Attention Disorder (or T.A.D.).

I hope that you faithful ten have enjoyed all the food happenings over the past few months whilst your Cook has been hunched over stoves, ovens, and chafers doing…uh…cooking.  Don’t worry, with the coming cold weather I will hopefully have a little more time to annoy your eye sockets with made up words, gripes, and some other stuff.  Or go ahead and worry…it’s not the first time this claim was made!


The Cook

Oh!  I almost forgot to include a cat picture…hold on.