Filed under: Personal | Tags: a-holes, Bathory, bike, chefs, downtown, Downtown Farmers Market Des moines, party, quitting, some other stuff., tacocat, tacos, tens
Okay, a few of you yesterday spoke your minds regarding my thin threat that I will no longer be posting “things” here at Locally Grown. I was half full/half empty of crap in stating that due to a change in subject matter that I may not continue to publish this blog. After minutes of deliberation it has been decided that I will continue on with LG, but with a focus on the original intended subject matter: Local food, farmers, markets, chefs, and a little news from around the world. The rants will also continue, and I know that you tens are most happy to hear that your angry “bi-polar” cook will still be educating the A-Holes of the world how to tame their inflamed dining sphincters. So, with that said, we will be seeing each other soon with a little report about one of the most important entities within our DMZ, the Downtown Farmers Market and some news about a certain cook’s campaign to be on the show Chopped.
I will leave you with this, a video of the band Tacocat playing their song “Bike Party” which combines four of my favorite things: Cats, Tacos, Bikes, and Palindromes.
Come one, Tens, I couldn’t just leave you all. It’s been too much fun over the last few years. Smooch!
Filed under: Personal | Tags: a-holes, chefs, datebook diner, Kristin Stewart, Malt Liquor, Micheal Jackson, Midgets, Wednesday
Well, Tens, it’s been almost a week now. A whole week without the non-rythmic word stylings of the Artist Formerly Known As The Datebook Diner. A whole week which we learned that she will still indeed be writing for the Register, albeit on a monthly basis, and that she will continue to milk her Register-hosted blog for all its cook book marketing worth. I also learned that she will be acting as a server at the newly-taken-over Proof restaurant in the Western Gateway. Incredible, I can’t wait to have her wait on my table. I am sure the service will be French-tastic.
Tens, I am here to call the whole thing off. We have had a good run with Winni as our main subject here, and I am thankful for my friends who slip little notes into my email in-hole early in the morning to tip me off to her…things she does. I know that the fun contained within the digital confines of this blogular entity has been lost on her for about two years, she doesn’t return my tweets or comments ever, and I am sure that if we were to actually run into each other in public she would either ignore me or give me that “whatevs” look.
And that is fine, I have earned that look (even if it actually comes from Kristin Stewart) but I would rather meet up with Winni and have this kind of situation transpire:
With all of that sort of said, I think that ragging on the AFKATDD is OVER. Winni, if you are out there, I leave you to market your super amazing cook book and spread the French in peace. It’s been a great time witnessing and reacting to all of the…stuff…over the years but it is time for this Cook to move on. Enjoy your not really new life doing pretty much what you were doing before, with the addition of pretending you are a restaurant worker (I did think your old waitress picture was damn adorable), and you can continue ignoring what I write because it…well…I will probably just retire this blog. So, farewell, see you down the road.
Filed under: Local Food Commentary | Tags: a-holes, chefs, datebook diner, Django, downtown, fine dining, Food Critics, George Formaro, Jim Duncan, local, manners, some other stuff.
Yes, we have been absent again after a big push to start things back up
fool time. Full time. BUT DON’T GET SALTY! The weather blossomed into an early spring which caused me, The Cook, to do my job of cooking again. Last time we checked in our main subject of honor had announced her retirement from reviewing the restaurants in Our Fair City to pursue her other, more Francophilic, interests. I, along with my cohorts, have been poring over her increasingly truncated reviews, trying to find something LG-worthy to share. No luck there, until yesterday. Last night I fired up my Android (uggg) powered Google Reader application and among my plethora of news items from Cat Fancy and Milk Chugger’s Magazine I found a little post from our beloved DD concerning what she will not be missing upon her leaving the eating scene of the DMZ (Des Moines Zone).
First I would like to state that a person whom after nearly 14 YEARS of writing about a dining scene publishes one of their final articles regarding said scene and chooses only NEGATIVES to outline her nearly 14 YEARS of writing about said dining scene maybe shouldn’t have been writing about our city to begin with. After all of that time and all those hundreds of reviews all she has to say to the diners, restauranteurs, chefs, cooks, and servers is THREE NEGATIVE STATEMENTS ABOUT WHAT SHE WON’T BE MISSING ABOUT WHAT DES MOINES HAS BEEN DOING WITH FOOD OVER THE LAST NEARLY 14 YEARS. What will she not miss? Read Here. We have all spent a long time reading about her complaints, and I personally think she could have come up with a better list. (on a little tangent, I can’t help but think when she took the job, nearly 14 years ago, she was in another city with a less French Name and saw an opportunity to live in the “Midwest Riviera” but upon arrival found the dread of gloppy soup, iceberg lettuce, and giant wasteful portions to be so oppressive that she decided that if she has to do this 13 or 14 more times, she is out of here)
So what do we here at the world’s most dangerous food blog (about Des Moines) think that the list should have included? First off, it should be a POSITIVE list that doesn’t read like an elementary report card that says “Your kid will never learn, they are hopeless and you should just give up for there is no hope for change.” Maybe after blah blah blah years said food reviewist could find at least three things to miss about Our Fair City and those whom bring you publicly consumed food? Here are three-ish things that, after our NEARLY THREE YEARS of writing about the DD, we would expect to see in a list written by her, if she wasn’t being a constant “negative nancy.” (btw, just because your job title includes the word “critic,” it doesn’t preclude you from making positive statements) So here it is, the….
Three-ish Things We Feel The Datebook Diner Should Miss About DSM Dining
(if she wasn’t being such a negative-pants)
- The growing of French cuisine in Des Moines. Back when DD started out in Des Moines there were very few choices for French dining. Over the years French has come and French has gone, but our current state of French Dining in the city of the monks finds us a plethora of French-based restaurants. Bistro Montage, Django, Tartine, La Mie, Baru 66…these are all places that should bring joy to a Francophile’s heart.
- The Farmers’ Markets. The Farmer’s Market isn’t a wholly French concept, but it is French enough for a Francophile to come enjoy. On Saturday mornings you can walk through the market, sample prepared foods, buy fresh baked breads and locally grown produce and meats, and see some of our more ambitious Chefs of des Moines chatting with local farmers and picking out the freshest goods for their menus. It is my understanding that the DD never really liked the Farmers Market (at least the Down town iteration) and kept visits to a minimum. The Farmers Market is the life of our Dining Scene during the summer…but maybe now that her job isn’t reviewing food she will stop down more often.
- Watching A City Grow. You get a job reviewing restaurants in Chicago, New York, LA, SF, any larger city and you get to jump right in to a dining scene which has been thriving for many decades. If you took a job doing the same thing NEARLY 14 YEARS AGO, you were in a very special position to watch what was once a chain restaurant hell with a few local choices, most of which probably served gloppy soup, to what it is now: A growing community of chefs and restaurateurs whom are constantly working to raise the bar in the dining scene. We have a respected culinary program just to the north in Ankeny (Iowa Culinary Institute/DMACC) and the students of that program are staying in town with increasing frequency, seeing an opportunity for growth…or even of a fast rise to ownership. It’s a much different world from the day George Formaro was baking bread on South Union to this day after Chef Formaro and his cohorts at Orchestrate worked for over a decade to change the face of what and how we eat (even if he has been damned for portion size). Things are much different now, and are growing at an increased rate. DD had the opportunity to watch all of this from the inside, yet it doesn’t seem to matter in the context of her career in DSM.
- Influence. Maybe she should miss the somewhat misguided influence she wielded over the dining public? Her words have had noticeable impact on the lives of restaurants. In fact I have watched a few close with a quickness after a Datebook Diner review (not that a few of those few weren’t warranted). Whatever.
There are many more, but alas, I am out of time and have to go do my actual job. Keep following along, there are only two more weeks of our current DD’s reign of terror…then it’s time for to pick on the new guy/gal.
Filed under: Local Food Commentary, sustainable dining | Tags: agriculture, chefs, Cleverley Farms, dining, Factory Farming, health, heroes, Larry Cleverley, local, sustainable, table top farm, Wallace Farms
Hero: he·ro/ˈhi(ə)rō/, noun:
- A person who is admired for courage or noble qualities.
- One who saves lives
Our society is based on a “hero mentality,” with us commoners daydreaming about those who would be there to save us from whatever evils would befall us. There are movie and comic-book (sorry, graphic novel) based super heroes with otherworldly powers saving puny humans from natural disasters, historical bad guys, and other super people whom have chosen to live a life of utter evil. There are every day heroes like doctors and nurses and the mortal humans whom keep you healthy and safe. There are even celebrity heroes such as Steven Tyler, whom work diligently to save you from having to listen to the wrong singing talent on your television. Thanks, ST. These heroes all serve their purpose in life, from stopping your gaping bleeding wounds, to saving your sanity, to keeping your house from burning to the ground, to just simply giving you hope that giant flying magnetically charged creatures from another dimension will not be descending upon your city to devour or enslave its population.
But who are the real heroes of our lives? The people raising the food you (should) be eating. There is really no more noble, humble, or courageous a profession than to be a farmer. A real farmer, someone concerned with the well-being of not their bank accounts or the happiness of corporate overlords, but with the health of the land they farm and the people being fed from that land, and of the welfare of the community surrounding their farm.
My hero’s a farmer. A real farmer. A person whom I can talk to, have a conversation about what they are raising, and not be given the run-around due to someone above them putting restrictions on what they can or can’t say about their operation. I see these people as the real heroes of our world, sustainable raising nourishing items that can feed our population…without creating more health-realated problems. The farmers who understand what to do with the food they raise, the ones whom can teach cooks or chefs what to do with their wares, the farmers that spend their lives feeding you FROM THE HEART, making sacrifices, getting out to the markets to sell to and meet produce/meat buyers face to face. THIS is a real hero. People like this guy:
Today’s rant isn’t supposed to be some wildly informative treatise on local sustainable farming/food, but just to get you in that mindset. Spring is around the corner and we will be talking more in the near future about ways to enrich your lives through these heroes of agriculture.
I hope that you are as excited as we are…
Filed under: Local Food Commentary | Tags: chefs, des moines, dining, downtown, Jack Bauer, local, manners, some other stuff.
Tens, first a thank you for taking your time to read and comment on yesterday’s France/DD/Dessert diatribe. It’s good to know that some of you have stuck around. It’s good to have you all back on the bus.
Secondly, I agree with every one of your comments. All of them. I have been “out of the loop” for a while with all of my other dealings and haven’t really been paying attention to any of the food writings being shat out on paper as of late. You clearly haven’t had the same problem. Glad someone is keeping their eyes open, and I am rejoining your ranks. Clearly we have a lot to talk about, old (and new) friends.
(please excuse the swearing about to fall from my fingers into your eyes)
One thing that really makes me sick about this ongoing problem of food criticism is that the local food isn’t being given proper consideration by the Register’s Food Captain. It is a fucking travesty that someone who has been charged with guiding the Metro’s diners by the area’s largest print outlet has glossed over what is really at the heart of our food scene (which is HEART) and instead has become the self appointed travel spokesperson for France and New York…and everywhere but the city she is writing about. According to yesterday’s comments and a few other messages from the interrab she has been focusing too much attention on one particular Chef Whom Doesn’t Care For Me Much (CWDCFMM) and much too little time really researching the local food and its movers/shakers/background.
I see where the information comes from in the form of regular lacksadasical (how do you even spell that?) emails/tweets/blog posts stating “I am working on an article about _____, anyone know anything about that?” and by reading multiple blog posts which are just reprints of press releases from the area restaurant whom bother sending her press releases.
Is this the type of person YOU are trusting your dining dollars to? Or are you trusting the other jokers writing nothing but positive internet reviews of every restaurant they visit? Whichever, and I have to cut this rant short, you are chosing is probably wrong. Some of you have voiced an opinion that some people need to be replaced. I suggest not only filing that complaint here, but to contact the “proper authorities.” You don’t have to stand for this bullshit. Seriously. I have to go, sorry to not have time to elaborate further.
Filed under: Local Food Commentary | Tags: a-holes, chefs, des moines, dessert, dining, local
Hello, Tens! I know, I know, it has been way too long since we got visually and verbally busy with each other,and there may be a few of you out there who aren’t really familiar with what we have going on up in here. The rest of this paragraph is for you people. This blog was originally fueled by disdain. And frustration. And a urge to share that disdain and frustration. And a love for all things local. Yep, I think that is about it. It turned into so many other things, like a good way to piss off food critics, a nice forum for people to be assholes about vegetarianism, and the perfect place for diners to learn how to properly approach the act of dining in public.
Today a very good friend of mine emailed me a link to an article which brought back all of those old feelings, and article that reminded me that my work is not done within the realm of LG. This article was from our old friend, DD and definitely portrayed her normal “Blinders-On, Geographically Unaware” attitude. What was the subject? I am glad you asked (and made it all the way to this point. Sorry for all the prefacing). Said food writer claims that the only desserts you can get in this town are either some kind of chocolate “fall down” cake (which I read as Lava Cake and caught a craving) or Cheescake. That’s it. She black/white’s the Des Moines dining scene again with a vast generalisation, AND THEN, true to form, whips out her culinary retort: A French (of course) dessert of poached merengue and creme anglaise Submitted by a certain French chef whom is also not a fan of yours truly. The dessert was admittedly not a real “seller” by any means, and didn’t look as spectacular as I would expect from DB, but I am sure it was delicious.
So what was the whole point of her rant? Is she trying to tell DMZ (Des Moines Zone) restaurants that they are boring her to death with their alleged “Two Dessert System” or is she trying to encourage chefs and restaurateurs to break out of the mold which she thinks they are all currently occupying? Is she stating that we, The People Of Des Moines, are all a bunch of rubes and could only be saved by selling all of our worldly possessions for a one way ticket to her Mecca, France? Are TPODM a bunch of self loathing a-holes whom wouldn’t know a good dessert if it bit them in the tukus, I mean if there were any more choices to sneak up and bite them?
I have prepared a list of things to do with this stuff.
Des Moines only has two desserts available to the dining public.
France is still better than Des Moines
No one really bought the dessert she thought was better than the current options, but featured it regardless.
Des Moines must be stupid because they didn’t buy said dessert.
Alba also has interesting dessert choices, but no examples were given.
Viva La Francais!
I hope that the Chefs and Restaurant Owners and Diners of our Fair City start paying attention to what this person is saying. Yeah, we get it, you released a French cookbook. Good For You. You also most likely think that you are helping culture the heathen masses of Central Iowa with your Francophilic ways. Maybe you should take a poll of your readers to see how many of them really give a rat’s patoot about France as it relates to our local dining scene.
I would instead like to see a published writer who revels in our constantly growing local food scene instead of constantly complaining that it just isn’t as good as New York or France. Yeah, no shit, it’s not. But in my travels during the last year I found myself thinking more than a few times “I wish I was in Des Moines right now so I could go to ______”
Now THAT should speak volumes to those of you who know me personally. I guess that’s the difference between a food lover and a food critic… Lovers love to love, and critics are just a-holes.
Didn’t I used to do a sign off thing at the end of posts? I forget.
Yes, it is again time for the self tooting of the Cook’s cooking horn, and also time for a break the normal bitching emanating from this sexy otter of a blog. You may remember my last post from this week where I was whining about not being chosen to take part in the DSM Magazine (or DMZ in our hearts and minds) Top Competition-ular Contest. I wasn’t so much searching for validation within the confines of some cooking competition dreamed up and executed by most likely non-chefs (or as they like to be called, foodies), but looking for some sort of response as to how I could have been left out when I was assured by my tens of fans that they had all voted at least one time for their favorite chef (me). Well, no official response was received BUT TODAY a little validation floated down the information pipeline.
Tacopocalypse, my vehicle for putting food in front of Des Moines’ mouths, was voted by the readers of Juice/Metromix as the #2 taco in the metro area (or DMZ). You can read my post over at Tacopocalypse.com for more details.
Thank you, Tens, for making this year an amazing time for this bearded human.